A twerp tweets…

MY fingers just typed the word ‘Trump’ without me asking them too. I do wish they would stop doing that.

The scary thing about Trump; hang back a minute, one of the many and endlessly scary things about Trump, is that he has become a sort of virus – a rampant bug spread by Twitter.

Whether you love to hate Trump, hate to love him, or take the sensible option of hating the man outright, you just can’t escape him. Trump is everywhere, and deadly orange atoms of Trump-ness float into our lives, never mind if we close all the windows and hide under the bed.

Much of this is down to his rampant and unrestrained use of Twitter. In the hands of a saner president, this might be beneficial; a chance to look inside the president’s mind as he goes through his decision-making process. Perhaps such an experiment could teach us something.

But in the (little) hands of Trump, what it teaches us is that Twitter should never have been invented (and I like Twitter). With Trump, the non-stop Twitter commentary, the endless barbs and slights, the appalling misjudgements, the rudeness and the undertow of racism – all this adds up to a bully kicking up a fight in a tin box.

So, it is easy to feel sympathy for Theresa May as she tries to react sensibly to the latest news from Trump-ton. Mrs Maybe told reporters that it was ‘wrong’ for Trump to have re-tweeted anti-Muslim posts from the far-right group Britain First. And ‘wrong’ doesn’t even begin to cover the President promoting a vile mini-collective of Brit fascists with a tap of his finger.

Yet for all her welcome criticism of Trump, Mrs Maybe seemed unwilling to really go for him. That’s because she decided early on that Britain was going to be Trump’s friend. The trouble is, who wants a friend like Donald? That’s a devilish pact you’ve sealed there, Theresa.

When Trump heard of Mrs Maybe’s criticism of his tweet, he took to Twitter and stabbed out: “Theresa May, don’t focus on me, focus on the destructive Radical Islamic Terrorism that is taking place within the United Kingdom. We are doing just fine!”

The Trumps are due here sometime for a ‘holiday’ with the Queen. Mrs Maybe spurned demands for his trip to be cancelled, saying: “An invitation for a state visit has been extended and has been accepted. We have yet to set a date.”

Ah, is that a tiny crack of hope I see there? We have yet to set a date… well, just commit to a bad case of social forgetfulness. As with any other loud-mouthed moron you’d rather not have to stay, accidentally overlook the unguarded invitation. Or find that all available weekends are already booked between now and, I don’t know, doomsday.

It is difficult to find a light moment in this latest twitter atrocity from the fascist-friendly president. But there is one. At first, Trump accidentally tweeted to @theresamay, believing he was sending a message to Mrs Maybe. Instead, he was attacking an innocent woman from Bognor who has six Twitter followers. But I do have a bit of an exclusive here: I’ve just looked and she now has seven.

Theresa May Scrivener told the Press Association that she’d been bombarded with messages. She said it was “amazing to think that the world’s most powerful man managed to press the wrong button”.

Yes, Trump and buttons – now that is scary. Let’s hope he never mistakes his mobile for the code to fire off nuclear missiles.


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