‘Guess what, we have a world to ruin…’

“Guess what, we have a world to run.”

Who could possibly say such a thing? No big cigar for guessing that those words tumbled from Trumpian lips.

I kept hearing the words long afterwards and they started to worry me.

The thing about Trump is that you almost don’t want to think about him at all. You know, put your fingers in your ears and hope he goes away.

For a while I wondered if we should have a trade embargo on the words that come out of the president’s mouth. We could slap an import ban on those inflammatory, contradictory, truth-swerving words of his, and say in effect: no thanks, you’re not coming in here. You want to have a trade war, we’ll stop trading in your nasty words.

“Guess what, we have a world to run.” There they go again, around and around. The thing is again, we should be careful with our vowels around Trump. For if you accidentally slip an extra letter into that last word, you end up with something horribly closer to the truth – “Guess what, we have a world to ruin.” And in the long run, ruin it he surely will.

The president was speaking as he swept into Canada for the G7 Summit he didn’t want to attend.

Trump hates summits and he arrived late at this one and left early, like the sort who hogs the social limelight by barging late into a party just so that everybody notices; and leaves early for the same reason.

Trump detests summits such as the G7 because they aren’t about him; instead, these gatherings are based around collaboration and people expect him to listen and want him to take notice of what they say. But Trump doesn’t do listening: he has word-proof eardrums that send unwanted comments and conversations bouncing right back.

That’s why he is said to have turned against Mrs Maybe, reportedly saying that he is tired of her “school mistress tone” and the way she tells him off or has serious policy discussions rather than engaging in the small talk. Even those of us who are not fans of the prime minister can clap her on the nervous shoulders for that.

Trump arrived late at the G7 party, long past the nibbles stage, and immediately said that Russia should be allowed back in – “Why are we having the meeting without Russia?” he said, no doubt knocking over a tray of something or other.

Russia is suspended after annexing the Crimea, and the other main countries want Russia kept out; Russia isn’t even bothered about coming back in.

But Trump only gets noticed by saying the unexpected in a loud voice, and he said that just so that no one would wonder who the orange-faced man with the weird hair was, the one standing quietly in the corner (as bloody if, and all that).

Our own Boris Johnson – that’s if any of us wish to own him, which we don’t – has been reported as praising Trump at a private meeting, saying that the Brexit talks would have been sorted out by now if Trump was in charge.

What nonsense: Trump wouldn’t last five minutes in boring talks with the EU, as he’d have a gigantic, self-serving hissy-huff and leave.

Johnson is much taken with Trump, and the reasons are obvious: they are the same man, sort of – attention seekers the pair of them, unreliable and untrustworthy friends.

You know, it occurs to me that Trump and Johnson are like one of those reversible jackets. Turned one way round and you have Trump; reverse the jacket and you have Johnson (and I am resisting all that matey ‘Boris’ stuff).

Time that jacket went to the cleaners; or the tip.

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