DID you see Trump’s flyaway hair? Barely sticking to his head, it was, a sort of weird hair meringue, flossy at the sides and not there at all at the back.
The clips of Trump’s uncrowned glory were shown and shared yesterday, as everyone enjoyed the blustery humiliation of a man old enough to know better than to lacquer together a head of hair.
The world’s most famous comb-over came undone in the wind as he
boarded Air Force One, and we all had a good laugh. I showed the clip to my students yesterday morning, before moving onto to blogs and blogging, and they had a good laugh, too.
Later, I began to wonder. Even when the world is taking the piss out of Donald Trump, our gaze is still drawn towards him. Even while we laugh at that follicular folly, a sort of nicotine-tinged cloud of hair, he is still winning because we can’t look away. But, oh hairy heavens, laughing felt good.
Here’s what I began to wonder about next. I’m ten years younger than Trump and have been pretending not to be bald/putting up with being bald for the best part of 30 years now. There’s no escaping the shiny truth, however much I might mourn my lost curls.
Last summer, at an old lads’ night out, I met someone I’d not seen in perhaps 40 years – “That’s a dramatic change in hairstyle,” was his kind verdict.
Anyway, here’s what I thought next. Even a half-arsed Republican can admit that Prince William has more balls than Donald Trump. No pretender, this prince; instead he just went for a number-one head shave all over.
I take little interest in royal affairs, but William’s buzzed crown looked the business. Bold as well as bald, out there and unashamed – whereas Trump’s mocked-up head of hair speaks of shame and being unable to admit the truth.
The Sun newspaper was unkind to Prince William at the time of his radical haircut, beginning their story: “Balding Prince William has debuted a dramatic new buzz cut…”
You see, baldies don’t always like to be told the naked-headed truth. Would they have said of an overweight William: “Fatty Prince William has gone on a dramatic new diet…”?
Perhaps they would, and I don’t much care. But our fresh prince of buzzed hair and looks more of a man than their ageing president with his candyfloss hair.
Now that hair really is fake news.
Incidentally, the Sun reported that William’s new buzzcut cost him £180 – something the prince later laughed off. Mine costs £9 at the hairdresser around the corner.
“Any chance of a head-shave,” I’ll say, popping my balding head through the door.