Mrs Maybe limps on to live another day…

On the BBC Today programme earlier, Nick Robinson was talking to Iain Duncan Smith. “You realise all over the country right now people are saying…”

“Shut the f*** up…”

Apologies, perhaps it was just me saying that, although the existence of such widespread national equanimity seems unlikely. Anyway, pardon the involuntary vocal spasm. It happens every time that man appears in public dragging his sneer behind him.

I really should be more grown-up about this, but just can’t help myself. Does anyone else have a special greeting for this Tory veteran who was rubbish at leading his own party, before withdrawing to the fetid Tory margins to grumble about everything that has followed?

Duncan Smith is telling everyone that yesterday he voted to oust Theresa May as Tory leader with a heavy heart. Not as heavy as the hearts of those of us unlucky enough to hear you on the radio, matey. God but that man is annoying.

His nickname is IDS, which is only one consonant away from IBS, and that can’t be a coincidence. Anyway, as you see, I suffer from irritable IDS syndrome.

Not only that, but I endure a nasty rash and rageful boils every time Jacob Rees-Mogg creaks his mouth open to utter another reptilian peroration about Brexit. He was there again last night, unable to keep his snooty teeth clamped together even as the latest coup by his hardline Brexit buccaneers had failed to dislodge Mrs Maybe.

There he stands like the Ghost of Christmas Cancelled, whining nastily about how the only proper Brexit is the one he had a wet dream about back in the 18th century.

Calling the vote of no-confidence in their leader at such a time was an act of arrogance and hypocrisy, as has been pointed out elsewhere. And if you want to know what arrogance and hypocrisy look like in a suit, look no further than IDS and JRM. And while you’re at it, don’t overlook Nigel Farage. Arrogance and hypocrisy flow through that man’s veins as readily as beer and nicotine.

Theresa May lives to mess up another day. While that’s hardly an inspiring thought, we’re probably better off with her sort-of in charge rather than leaving the door open for Boris Johnson or JRM or, heaven help us, the simply appalling Esther McVey.

It’s typical that Mrs Maybe should withstand a no-confidence vote when it’s difficult to have confidence in her at all. Does anyone have confidence in her now? Where some see dogged determination, others detect a stubborn refusal to listen and a strange sort of introverted arrogance, a stuttering swagger and a nervous tick of self-righteousness.

I’ve complained before about Labour sitting on their hands and doing nothing much about Brexit, so I’ll let that one lie for today. Just now, that IBS man was saying that the possibility of Jeremy Corbyn being elected prime minister was far more serious than Brexit. If anything makes me warm towards Corbyn, it’s the thought that Tories like Duncan Smith hate and seemingly fear him so much.

As for the not-yet-deposed Mrs Maybe, she is off to the continent again on another Brussels bumble, bizarrely convinced that her debating skills will bring home the Brexit bacon in the end.

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