Oh, I need a radio that turns off whenever Gollum Gove speaks…

I’m meant to be listening to BBC Radio 3 in the mornings instead of swearing at the Today programme. In my defence, all I did was wander into the kitchen and turn on the radio; and there Michael Gove was, doing his usual horrid turn, oleaginous and shouty in the same short breath (we all have our talents and that is his).

It’s about time someone invented a radio that turns off as soon as Gove starts speaking.

That man is so irritating, he gives Nigel Farage a run for his money; our money.

I am happy to be corrected and to be told that Gove is an awfully nice man. Perhaps his wife, the Mail columnist Sarah Vine, will send good word. But based on our radio acquaintance, all I can conclude is that Michael Gove gives a good impression of being a nasty creep.

Presenter Mishal Husain asked Gollum Gove why Downing Street was sitting on a report into alleged Russian interference in UK democracy.

This report has apparently passed through the usual security clearance process, but No 10 is said to be stalling on its release until after the election. As the report examines Russian activity and allegations of spying, subversion and interference in elections, you might think we should hear about it.

Normally we would, but Downing Street is gaming this election as best it can, pulling every dirty trick in the book, and a few that haven’t made the book yet.

Gollum didn’t answer the question from Husain (and what a cool yet smart presence she is). Instead he just said “Corbyn is the real threat to national security” for five minutes.

Let’s untangle this one: Jeremy Corbyn can’t be trusted on national security says the government that refuses to release a report how the Russians might have interfered in our elections; ahem.

This report from Parliament’s Intelligence and Security Committee was finished in March and referred to No 10 on October 17, according to the BBC. No 10 seems to be shoving it under the hall carpet until after the election. As this report considers how our elections may have been tampered with by the Russians, it’s clear we should see it before voting.

Ah, yes, the election. I know how I won’t vote and that’s a start. It won’t be Tory for reasons stretching back all my voting life; it probably won’t be Lib-Dem because they seem possessed of an unearned cockiness under new leader Jo Swinson. It could be Green because they talk sense; or it might be Labour as normal, even though the hand that makes the cross may feel heavier than usual.

One thing to consider is that promises made at election time might as well be written on the wind. David Cameron pledged in 2015 to build 200,000 so-called starter homes. A report today from the National Audit Office says not one of those new homes has been built. Not one.

The government response, again according to the Beeb, is that it had a “great track record” for house building. Ah, yes, much in the way that I have a great track record for writing best-selling novels.

But if anyone would like to invent that Gove-silencing radio, I’d be up for one. It could switch off for Farage too, of course, and Johnson. Oh, and in fairness, it could fall silent whenever Labour’s Barry Gardiner has his turn at being annoying.

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