Excuse me while I stop screaming and remove this paper bag from my head.

There is much to say today about blustering braggadocio, bollocks and bluster. But no, let other people worry about Boris Johnson’s attempted hard Brexit coup. My fingers are already threatening to walk out on strike if I keep typing the word ‘Boris’ all the time.

Sorry fingers, here are two sideways thoughts about our new prime minister.

ONE. Boris Johnson is a journalist/politician, a dangerous sort of hybrid if you ask me. Journalists are meant to be on the outside looking in. But you can’t really do that if you are also on the inside. He is also a columnist, and they always know the answer to everything, with or without available evidence.

Anyway, the Daily Telegraph is pleased with Boris Johnson. The newspaper’s chief executive, Nick Hugh, posted a memo on a staff messaging board yesterday (according to the Press Gazette website) with the title: “The Telegraph’s own columnist becomes prime minister today.”

Mr Hugh pointed out that Johnson was the “first Telegraph journalist since Sir Winston Churchill to lead the country”.

As has been noted before, not without envious grinding of teeth, Boris Johnson is reported to have been paid £270,000 a year to write his column. Think about that for a moment. That’s a lot of money for a columnist, more than can be justified by words alone. Was this in truth a Daily Telegraph job creation scheme under which the newspaper group paid a fortune to Johnson while also slavishly promoting him on their front page? Yup, I’d say it was.

Will there be a price to pay; will the owners, the famously reclusive Barclay Brothers, want a return on their investment? Seems likely, as suggested by this headline from a Telegraph column yesterday: “Boris can win the Brexit war by smashing the Remainer enemy in a snap election.”

Yet how depressing that roughly half the country should be branded as “the Remainer enemy” in the Brexit uncivil war. Doubly depressing that Johnson’s Number 10 new-boy speech said the same, more or less.

Anyway, put down that paper bag and take another deep breath. Take comfort, and comfort surely is needed, in noting that Steve Bell of the Guardian has started drawing Boris Johnson with a blond mop and an arse for a face. Ah, better already.

TWO. An interesting feature from 2014 (Guardian again, sorry about that all you Guardian haters) saw psychotherapist Nick Duffell reprise his argument about why boarding schools produce bad leaders.

His thesis is too involved to share here in full, but the nub is that sending boys to board at the age of seven does them great psychological harm. What Duffell calls ‘privileged abandonment’ (blatant child neglect, surely, in less elevated circles) can turn men into bullies or bumblers – or both in the case of Boris Johnson.

Duffell was writing about David Cameron, but the same applies to Boris Johnson, and many other politicians, mostly Tory but not all (Tony Blair is included in this theory).

Duffell argues that such socially privileged children are “forced into a deal not of their own choosing”. Under this arrangement, a “normal family-based childhood is traded for the hothousing of entitlement”.

Cut off from home and a loving family at the age of seven, “they must speedily reinvent themselves as self-reliant pseudo-adults”.

In short, these overly entitled politicians are basically overgrown seven-year-olds with abandonment issues. Suddenly it all makes horrible sense.