The perils of the big binge…

Oh, I do like a binge watch. Netflix has changed me from a traditional one-bite-at-a-time viewer into an occasional glutton for televisual punishment.

My latest indulgence had been the British-made comic drama Sex Education about a teenage virgin with a sex counsellor mother played by Gillian Anderson. In a smartly written scenario, Otis (Asa Butterfield), a sexually repressed 16-year-old virgin, becomes his school’s relationship expert, offering sex advice to his classmates.

“You’re like some strange sort of sex savant,” his enigmatic pal/crush Maeve (Emma Mackey), the smartest, coolest most troubled girl in school, tells him.

I do recommend Sex Education. But I may have lured you in under the false pretence of not writing about the thing no one ever shuts up about. So, yes, while I do like a spot of binge-watching, I am not so keen on this Brexit binge. God, but his series never ends and just gets worse every time you sit down to watch. Talk about repeats.

The latest episode was another big disappointment. It was titled Plan B: The Big Reveal. But it turned out that Theresa May didn’t have a Plan B at all. Just plain old Plan A. Never mind the historic kicking Plan A got in the Commons last week, here she was again, robotically muttering out her Plan B that was just the same as Plan A, but with the letter ‘A’ scribbled out with the Downing Street biro.

Her cunning plan involves refusing to budge an inch and boring everyone to death, at which stage in Pointless: the Political Vacuum Edition, we all stumble into the cold light of a no-deal Brexit. Deal not done; country f***ed.

Jeremy Corbyn muttered that it was like Groundhog Day. He had a point, although it wasn’t the smartest insult from a man who is himself a walking-talking Groundhog Day, rarely saying anything new about Brexit, and relying on passive-aggressive ambiguity to see him through while he perches on that fence. This very morning, he may or may not be backing calls for a Commons vote on a second referendum.

We did get one new plot development, with Theresa May throwing in a twist about a second referendum “destroying social cohesion”, so those lips weren’t totally stuck on repeat. And you can see her point, what with the Tories doing such a splendid job on social cohesion, and this whole Brexit thing bringing everyone together in such a jolly fashion.

She also spoke about smashing up the covenant of trust or something, but I don’t remember watching that episode at all. Perhaps the covenant of trust was before I joined the national binge-watch.

As far as anyone can tell, Plan B involves Theresa May trundling off to Brussels yet again.

And can’t you just imagine the Euro-dialogue: “Oh, no, she’s at the door again. If we let her in, she’s just going to keep saying the same old thing again and again. And she’ll go on and on about the bloody backstop. I feel quite sorry for the poor woman, but let’s draw the curtains and pretend to be out.”

Just now on the radio, Iain Duncan Smith – the Voldemort of Brexit – said that anyone who thought something or other about Brexit (the detail has evaporated from my mind) was “living in Cloud Cuckoo Land”.

Oh, I quite like the sound of this Cloud Cuckoo Land place; when’s the next bus?

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