Former prime minister Tony Blair (ITV News)
This is your pilot speaking. We are finishing our descent and will soon be landing at Manchester. While you’ve been away, all the usual shit has been going on.
You’ve not missed anything uplifting. Tony Blair has been doing his eerie messiah act, rattling his chains as the Ghost of Politics Past, while criticising Sir Keir Starmer and Labour, thus giving succour to the party’s critics.
Apparently, Blair wrote a 5,600-word essay for his own Institute for Global Change. I’ve not read it as I’m too busy flying this plane. You can come up with your own excuse, such as preferring to have a tooth extracted or something.
Anyway, Blair thinks Starmer should be sticking closer to the US and Donald Trump and made a mistake by not joining in with his Iran war. Be more like me, says the man nobody wants to listen to anymore.
And, yes, he said all that even as Trump rants and unravels before our bloodshot eyes, a sad sack of past sins. All while perverting politics to make himself ever richer. What a guy, Tony!
Heaving close to Trump gets you nowhere. Starmer went all out and still ended up being mocked. Flattery only insulates you for a while. Anyone too close to Trump eventually pays a heavy price . So good on Starmer for side-stepping the ill-fated Iran war.
Blair now exists in a weird bubble of the super-rich, carrying on like a priest who once found untold millions left in his collection plate.
The former prime minister also thinks we need to be doing more to develop AI. But he would say that as he receives enormous funding from, among others, Larry Ellison, AI evangelist, Trump backer, and third richest man in the world.
Will AI be our saviour? Everyone and his old dog wants to bet the house on it while knowing nothing much about how it will work – other than that it’s mostly in the hands of US tech bros who want to rule the world and almost do already.
One disreputable use of AI can be seen in all those pathetic self-glorying memes Trump shares night after night, portraying himself as a strongman, a superhero, Jesus and other mad images.
And social media is awash with AI slop. Fake news stories designed to undermine democracy and make us lose trust in everyone and everything.
Before the tyres bump onto the runway, and before you have to walk about two miles through the airport to find your car and then navigate all the midnight roadworks and a maze of sudden lane closures, there is just time to look out of the window.
Well done that pub. Picture from Threads
There you will see Reform leader Nigel Farage in a sulk about not having been invited onto Desert Islands Discs on Radio 4. The Mail says the Reform leader has been “banned” from appearing on the programme. According to the BBC, he hasn’t. Take your pick. It’s the BBC’s programme so it’s up to them who they invite.
One solution might be to ban all politicians and choose more interesting people. Sadly, it’s a bit late for that as assorted politicians have already gummed up the show, including Boris Johnson, Gordon Brown, Margaret Thatcher, Ed Miliband, Nick Clegg and Theresa May. More recently, Tory leader Kemi Badenoch appeared. What an impossible listen that was.
If Nigel Farage did wheedle his way onto that desert island, his luxury would be a bottomless bag of grievance. And his favourite piece of music would be a self-pitying whine sung to one note.
Oh, look, there he goes, stepping from his man-of-the-people private jet and into his working-class-hero limousine, surrounded by his common-touch security guys and expensive lawyers hired to preserve his everyday credentials, and to keep a lid on things he’d prefer you didn’t see or notice.
I hope you enjoyed your flight. Now you’re heading home and to a head full of all the usual sad nonsense about politics. It must be time for another holiday.