A political gaffe, according to the Political Dictionary online, is “an unintentional comment that causes a politician embarrassment”. And a Boris Johnson gaffe is just the same, except that it is intentional.

An old bit of footage of the prime minister has been doing the rounds on social media. In this Johnson explains his political strategy: drop as many gaffes as possible as this causes confusion, no one knows where they are, and the media doesn’t know what to report next.

He was at this tawdry game in the Commons yesterday when he addressed the House after the mini version of Sue Gray’s ‘partygate’ report was published. This pointed to “failures of leadership and judgement” and excessive drinking at work against the backdrop of the pandemic.

Johnson did his usual sorry-not-sorry act. Where the sorrow concerns being caught out. Where he’s sorry if anything caused offence. And where, on this occasion, he “gets it” and pretends to understand why people have been upset about the reports of Downing Street parties while everyone else was busy abiding by the rules laid down by his government.

And then he went off on one, falsely accusing Labour leader Keir Starmer of failing to prosecute Jimmy Savile in his time at the CPS. Ranting and pointing, arms flailing about, mouth bellowing.

And this, remember, was when he was meant to be saying sorry.

Johnson always reacts viciously when cornered: never mind Big Dog, he’s nasty, yappy Little Dog barking too loudly and pissing off the neighbours.

Or to summon a different cornered animal, as an unnamed former ally was quoted as saying in the Times the other week: “The thing about Boris Johnson is that he’s like a rat. He bumbles on amiably enough until he’s trapped. Then he’ll chew through bone, kill anyone, do anything to get free.”

Here are two Twitter thoughts on Johnson (neither are from me):

Twitter thought one: “The smear made against Keir Starmer relating to Jimmy Saville yesterday is wrong & cannot be defended. It should be withdrawn. False and baseless personal slurs are dangerous, corrode trust & can’t just be accepted as part of the cut & thrust of parliamentary debate.”

Twitter thought two: “False & baseless smears re Jimmy Saville against Keir cannot be defended. PM should withdraw his comments. Parliament cannot become a place to peddle tropes, conspiracy theories &falsehoods -this damages our democracy.”

These Tweets are from two Tories: the MP Julian Smith and Baroness Sayeeda Warsi.

But Starmer can stick up for himself, as he was doing this morning on Sky News when he angrily dismissed the attack as “a ridiculous slur peddled by right wing trolls”.

Ah, yes, those trolls.

We are in effect governed by right-ring trolls who follow their disgraceful leader down whatever dark alley he is prepared to enter, chanting in unison from whatever liar’s hymn sheet he has just handed round.

Reports at the weekend suggested that the government will now return to its ‘levelling up’ agenda, with money being set aside for overlooked parts of the country. Twenty towns and cities are pledged a share in a “new £1.5bn brownfield fund”.

And the areas receiving this money would apparently be known as “Boris boroughs”. Whether you must behave like Boris (cheat on your wives, colleagues, the country) to live in such a designated area is not known.

What is known, according to The Observer’s front page, is that the new money promised by Michael Gove’s Levelling Up, Housing and Communities Department isn’t new at all, as Gove’s department later admitted, but from the ‘levelling up’ funds that have already been announced.

When promised new money, it’s best to look in your wallet first and check for missing notes.